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“The worst thing you can do for your partner and your relationship is believe that you know how to make intimate unions work. In reality, there’s no way that any of us could know. Biology, which takes many, many generations to change, has not prepared us for love’s special challenges in our rapidly changing culture. Tradition is hopelessly outdated – the old socialized roles and norms have broken down almost completely – and pop-psychology gives little more than platitudes or oversimplified and contradictory advice. But don’t despair: The human brain is amazingly adaptive and capable of learning. The only thing that blocks us from being able to learn how to love better is the ego; we simply don’t want to admit that we don’t know how to do it right. To be relieved of the awful burden of ego, repeat the following out loud, three times: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when it comes to making a modern intimate relationship work! Once relieved of the burden of defending our egotistical preconceptions and prejudices about how relationships should be – and how our partners should see themselves and the world – we’re free to apply our intelligence and creativity to learning how to love the unique persons we come to love. The most loving thing you can say to your partner is: Teach me how to love you, and I will teach you how to love me.”



I literally have it in my okcupied profile: ” I have no idea what I’m doing.” Because I really don’t.

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